HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Dr. Suess

Every Who 
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot... 

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT! 

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. 

But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath. 

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew... 

...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! 

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least! 

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing! 

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?" 

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! 

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!" 

"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head. 

THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max. 

Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay a-snooze in their town. 

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. 

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" 

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney! 

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash! 

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the tree!" 

And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two. 

The Grinch had been caught by this little Who daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?" 

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." 

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! 

Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire. 

And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.


Then
He did the same thing
To the other Whos' houses 

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Whos' mouses! 

It was quarter past dawn...
All the Whos, still a-bed
All the Whos, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! 

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!" 

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow... 

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY! 

He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise! 

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same! 

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" 

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he... 

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!

YOU'RE A MEAN ONE

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch 
You really are a heel, 
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch, 
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel! 
You're a monster, Mr. Grinch, 
Your heart's an empty hole, 
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch, 
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole! 

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch, 
You have termites in your smile, 
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch, 
Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile! 

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch, 
You're the king of sinful sots, 
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch, 
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce! 

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch, 
With a nauseous super "naus"!, 
You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch, 
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful 
Assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots! 

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch, 
You're a nasty wasty skunk, 
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch, 
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, 
"Stink, stank, stunk"! 

A CHRISTMAS POEM

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pi$$ed.

   He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.   

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks 

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.  

I've busted my a$$ for d@mn near a year, 

Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?   

The old lady b!tches cause I work late at night 

The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight. 

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids 

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS  

And just when I thought that things would get better 

Those a$$holes from IRS sent me a letter  

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't d@mn funny  

Who the he11 ever sent Santa Clause any money?  

And the kids these days - they all are the pits  

They want the impossible ...Those mean little $hits 

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds 

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads 

I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them  

They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM! 

Flying through the air...dodging the trees  

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees  

I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment 

I'll sit on my fat a$$ and draw unemployment  

There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason 

I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!