Still more of Alana's jokes and such

Rodeo Superstition

1. A saddle bronc rider always puts the right foot in the stirrup first.

2. Never kick a paper cup thrown down at a rodeo.

3. Cowgirls often wear different colored socks on each foot, for luck.

4. Don't compete with change in your pocket because that's all you might win.

5. Never put a hat on your bed - you may be seriously injured or killed.6. Eating a hotdog before the competition brings good luck.

7. Never read your horoscope on competition day.

8. Never eat peanuts or popcorn in the arena.

9. Always shave before the competition.

10. Never wear yellow in the arena - it's BAD luck!

A cowboy walks into a bar with his pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says I will make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the alligator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my stuff unscratched. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar dropped his pants and put his package in the gator's mouth. After one minute the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the gator on the head. The crowd cheered and the first of the man's drinks were delivered. The man stood up again, and made another offer. I'll pay anyone 100 dollars who's willing to give it a try. A hush fell over the crowd. After a while a hand went up in the back of the little bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke. I'll try it but you have to promise you won't hit me in the head with a beer bottle too.

Cowboy quotes

"Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town."...........An old Western proverb

"Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction."

"A bronc rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat."

"Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it."

When in doubt, let your horse do the thinkin'."

"When a cowboy's too old to set a bad example, he hands out good advice."

"Worry is like a rockin' horse. It's something to do that don't get you nowhere."

"Poor is having to sell the horse to buy the saddle."

Two good ol' boys bought a couple of horses that they used to make some money during the summer. But when winter came, they found it cost too much to board them. So they turned the horses loose in a pasture where there was pleanty to eat. 'How will we tell yours from mine when we pick them up?' one of them asked the other. 'Easy,' replied the other. 'We'll cut the mane off mine and the tail off yours.' By spring, the mane and tail had grown back to normal length. 'Now what are we going to do?' asked the first.'Why don't you just take the black one?' said the second. 'And I'll take the white one.'

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with oneteacher and the boys would go with the other.As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow.

1. Make sure you have a full time, well paying job, so you can take on the responsibility of the bills and free up more of his paycheck for roping.

2. Get a Degree from the Acme School of Chute Help, so you can help him when he practices. They teach you: which hotshot is best, how to handle those cantankerous roped out steers, how to get steer guacamole out of those hard to reach places, and all the right terms to use, so you can talk intelligently about roping; you'll never be asked your opinion, of course, but you won't embarrass him if front of anyone.

3. The new carpet and fixing the fridge can wait. The chutes need to be rebuilt, he needs a new rope, he needs new steers to practice with, that big jackpot's coming up this weekend . . .

4. Gas up and wash the truck on your way home from work the night before the roping, and don't forget to check the oil. Get up early on roping day so you can feed and clean up the horses. He'll be sleeping in, so he can look good and rope his best.

5. Dress real nice when you go with him, or you'll find yourself sitting at home. But don't look better than he does!

6. Stay away from him unless he needs your help, like handing him something, peeling him a grape, wiping his sweating brow . . . don't be off talking to your friends when he's out of the arena, in case he needs you. Don't bug him, just look pretty and don't embarrass him.

7. Don't ever criticize him!! Listen to his excuses and keep you lip zipped!! It wasn't his fault his horse set up on him, or he ducked off, or he missed his dally because the brought the new rope that's too stiff, or his loop closed up because he brought his old worn out rope, or . . .